Thursday, July 31, 2008

Calling all monster hunters..

America, your pristine, glittering beaches have been plagued long enough by the likes of the Montauk Monsters. Lingering just below the surface, waiting for your tender legs to dip into the water, the Montauk Monster has taken far too many liberties with your innocent trust of the sea.

Until today.

While the surprising appearance of a deceased Montauk Monster on a beach in its namesake Hamptons town yesterday morning was encouraging, it also strikes fear into our hearts--we now know that there are definitely more out there in the wild deep. We here at Venom, however, feel that we've lived in fear of the Montauk Monster for too long. We're proud to have created the only energy drink that bites back, and we think it's high time that man bite back against the scourge of the Hamptons seas. Gas prices are higher than anyone had ever imagined, food costs are rising and the housing market is in shambles...but there's one element of life that we can still control, and to that end the food chain dominance of the human race resumes here.

So hear this, America: Venom has placed a bounty on the capture of a Montauk Monster on one condition--you must bring it to us alive. The first person to do so will receive a lifetime supply of Venom and a sponsorship to further his/her career as a monster-hunter. Read the press release here for the details.

Hunters, fishermen, divers, army guys, soldiers of fortune--this is your chance to prove just how badass you are. To help, we've created this site to serve as a guide to finding, fighting and capturing the Montauk Monster. It's not a quest for the faint of heart.

Good luck, and make sure you have a big enough boat.

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