Sunday, August 3, 2008

Mailbag, Issue #1


Evan I. writes:
so ya, i captured the so called 'Montauk Monster.' when do i get my lifetime supply of Venom?

Holy cow, Evan you got it! No, wait. That's a racoon. A racoon, Evan! I'll bet you feel a fool now. Let that thing go. You need some Venom, we'll see if we can't find some to send you.

Mark W. writes:
I have discovered the true identity of the Montauk beakmonster! I searched the four corners of the Earth and present to you the Otter! Most likely a North American River Otter, Lontra canadensis, given its location on the beach in New York. Attached are some photos. From the photos, you can see the legs are identical. So is the thick tail. [..]

I have even arranged to have some creatures held captive for your inspection here at the San Antonio Zoo. I will try to get some up the the Dallas zoo, perhaps they have already arrived.
Hmm. Mark, having carefully considered your evidence, we don't think that otter is the monster. That said, you laid out your argument like Perry freakin' Mason. Let's see if we can scare up some Venom for you.

Something else we learned from this email: DO NOT TICK OFF MARK. He will arrange to have you held captive at the zoo. THE DUDE DOES NOT MESS AROUND.

More tomorrow.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

The montauk monster is nothing but a decayed raccoon , the skeleton and body type matchs perfectly, the "beak" isnt a beak , it's nasal bone that was once covered with flesh, before you go insulting the guy do your research, experts already confirmed it's a raccoon. The fool is you :)